Friday, September 13, 2013

High Anxiety

Well hello there fellow bloggers.  Today's blog is entitled high anxiety for a reason.  I have a problem with high anxiety.  Now if any of you know me, you would think that I'm pretty laid back.  Quite the contrary in fact.  I'm laid back to an extent, but I do suffer from high anxiety.  Which has been a huge problem for me lately.

Most of my anxiety stems from a lack of self confidence and appreciation for myself.  I am constantly worrying I'm going to let my family or friends down.  Which triggers major anxiety in myself.  I always worry that when I mess up, people will stop calling, texting, writing, talking to me etc.  I know people make mistakes all the time, but I'm overly critical of myself.  To the point of ridiculousness!!!  I sometimes wish there was a magic pill I could take to rid myself of this anxiety, but I know there is not.  I just let it get the best of me!!!

I've heard meditation is a great way to deal with anxiety.  Today, I attempted to do so.  I'm not sure if I was successful in "freeing my mind," but I have to say it was very relaxing as I just tried concentrating on relaxing my body and breathing.  I feel some what better.  I think that with time this could become a great way to help control my anxiety.

I believe that it is very embarrassing to suffer from such anxiety.  I don't like sharing because I'm afraid people will think I'm nutso!  I hope people realize that I'm just like everyone else.  Everyone has issues they have to deal with.  I'm not crazy, just a little... okay a lot over-analytical.  (High strung as some people would call it)  I think my high stress job just may add to it a little bit.

To sum up.... I'm trying to overcome my fear letting people down to calm the anxiety in my life.  Guess what people, I may let you down sometimes.  It's never intentional, but it happens.  I hope that I don't disappoint you, but if I do, please remember that I'm human.  I make mistakes.  (Also remembering to tell myself that as well).  "Don't keep crying because of a mistake.  LEARN FROM IT and MOVE ON.  Stop blaming yourself over things that you have NO control over."

Saturday, August 24, 2013

A year of Love

Well, could I be any less of a blogger?!  I've been bad about blogging, but I promise to get back into it!  There's just been so much going on this spring and summer that I've been taking the time to enjoy life and leaving the rest to whenever I get to it!  Whoops!

The reason I'm entitling this post a year of love, is that tomorrow, my husband and I will celebrate our one year anniversary!  What a year it's been!  Last year at this time, I was enjoying the company of family in town for the wedding and primping and prepping for the big day!  I look back on my wedding day VERY fondly!  I was surrounded by family and friends that I truly love and had literally the best day of my life!  It's been a year for sure.  After we came back to reality, I had a moment where I realized... "I have to live with a boy!!"

The first few months of marriage were definitely interesting!  It's quite an adjustment living with someone after you've lived by yourself for so long!  But the great thing is, I have an amazing husband who was willing to compromise and the last 8 months have been paradise!  Some days I wake up and can't believe how lucky I am that I've found such an amazing mate!

Funny story as this first year comes to a close.  We had the most delicious wedding cake (the one bite that we each got to have) at our wedding!  And after it was all over, we took the top of the cake home and put it in the freezer, like everyone does!  I know that everyone says "don't eat it, it tastes like cardboard," but darn it, I wanted my cardboard experience!  Well, back in February, we found out that the freezer we put the cake in had broken somewhere between August 26 and February 2013.  I opened the door to the freezer while we were cleaning and found a black, molded box.  I could not bear to look at the cake on the inside.  Quickly, I closed the door and tears filled up my pathetic eyeballs.  It was ruined!  Chad was very sympathetic and offered to get a new cake for our anniversary!  So, tonight, (because we are heading to the Dominican Republic in the morning), he offered to get us some cake to share!  What an awesome man!!

I've also titled this post a year of love because I've been able to spend more time with family.  In December of last year, my sweet aunt and uncle bought a house in Lubbock and it's been such a bonding experience for me.  My aunt has lived out of town all my life and to have her in Lubbock is such a joy!  It was also really fun doing demolition and helping her get her new house ready to live in... in 2 years!  Lol.  It's also been great getting to spend time with my cousins.  Growing up, we never really spent much time together because they were so much older and cooler than me!  I remember once when they were out with their friends and we were visiting, I went in one of their rooms and listen to a Wilson Phillips tape over and over again.  I thought I was so cool!  Now that we are all older, the age gap just seems to melt away and spending time with them and their families is so much fun.  Now, if only we could get Shelly Renee to move up to 806, the Williams gals would be complete!

Not only have I been able to reconnect with my aunt and cousins, but last night I also got to reconnect with my cousin Daniel.  There is not enough page for me to write what an amazing man this guy is!  We have known each other literally all our lives.  All the way back to the family reunions we used to attend as kids.  Again, him and his brother were way cooler than me and my brother, but it was so much fun to get to see them every year.  As time clicked by, the visits were few and far between, but it was always fun to get to seem him and his family.  I remember when he was in Law school and lived in Lubbock, we didn't hardly see each other, but I knew he had to devote most of his time to studying.  Even tough we didn't see each other much, it was awesome knowing that he was so close!  For those of you who don't know, after law school, we went into the JAG program in the military.  He served 2 tours overseas (long tours I might add), and he is now home.  Minus a weekend or 2 here and there to go do reserve training.  Last night we got the privlage of spending some time with him.  He seems so stinking happy right now and he looks like he is doing great!  We got to exchange stories and laughs and it was just an awesome time to get to spend with him.  I'm looking forward to coming back to visit again soon.  And I'm hoping to convince him that Lubbock is the place to be post SMU!

I'm overwhelmed with happiness and love in my life.  Despite glitches here and there, I think I've got a pretty sweet life!  I'm blessed with so much and am so grateful for all that I have in my life!  Fellow blogers, i blogg

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


There are times in life when I feel like you have to step back and reevaluate what matters most in life.  I'm not sure if this is a once a year evaluation, or every few months, or every few years.  I believe that when life gets you down, it's time to look at what you're doing to make this life all it can be.

For me, I find that when I'm not taking the time to pray or spend time in the word, this is the time when I feel the most alone and really start to feel down.  I'm a spiritual person, and I believe that there has to be something bigger than me in this world.  It's how I get through my days.  But I find that when things are going well, I tend to drift back into old habits of, "all is well, why do I need to pray today."  This is what leads to my mediocre days and eventually back into a rut.  That's when I find myself taking a step back and wondering, "how did I end up back here again?"  I mean, is there anything worse than ending up somewhere that you didn't like in the first place?!

Tonight I found myself in prayer over recent struggles and things that I have no control over.  I feel like lately, I haven't been good enough for me or anyone else around.  Like I'm always striving to be perfect, but never quite reach that perfection in others eyes, or my own for that matter.  I'm my own worse critic.  But I'm doubly hard on myself in comparrison to others.  I want to be the best, which I don't think is conceeded or a bad view, but I have to remember that my best has to be good enough for me and that's all that really matters.  If I tried my hardest and feel that at the end of the day I gave my best, then I can rest knowing that I'm at my best.  God thinks my best is good enough, why can't I believe in myself like he does?!  I need to not worry so much about what everyone else thinks about me or my performance, because life isn't about walking on eggshells around everyone else.  Who wants to live their life like that?!

Which brings me to a book that I had long forgotten about and found in my box of inspirational books.  It's so small that I almost missed it, but I'm so glad I found it.  It's called "You are Special" by Max Lucado.  It follows the story of a Wemmick named Punchinello.  He spends his days getting "dotted" instead of "starred" by his fellow Wemmicks.  Until one day he meets a Wemmick with no dots or stars.  He decides this is how he wants to be to and finds the secret to true inner happiness.  Its's a beautiful child-like story that reminds us all that we are each special.  A quote that sticks out in this book is, "The stickers only stick if you let them."  I've decided that I'm not going to let the stickers stick anymore.  This is my reevaluation in my tough times.

Life isn't about being perfect, it's about being the best you can and knowing that it's good enough.  Sometimes, we just have to step back and remember this.